Being a second wife has its benefits. Plural Marriage in Islam (This is a section taken from an article of Shaikh Al-Fawzn elsewhere on this site). He's a liar, deceiver and is cheating his wife. Sister, you don't have to try to force yourself in to being okay with polygamy. It won't be ok. The statistics are stacked against you, Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. Some like the desert, and some like the ocean. Its in a person's nature, or its not. naa.. Very simple.
So if youre reeling under the pain of being a second wife, find solace in knowing that youre not alone. 2, you get 2 eat variety of meals each passing day as the wives take turns in cooking. Every woman/wife is different. Or, you are paying for it. Myra and Leah married after 2 years of dating, but Leahs daughter from her first marriage barely acknowledged Myra at all. As a second wife, you go a step further and marry a partner, their family, their kids, and in some ways, even their ex. It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. One man we interviewed, Mahmd, had no qualms telling us that his reason for seeking a second wife was "boredom"! Its all about valuing your second marriage, Kranti says, Unlike a first marriage, there will be a little idealization of the spouse here. disadvantages of being a second wife islamdetroit winter temperatures. Maybe they only want a couple of children to love, and really don't care about a romantic life. This is exploitative, which is insulting, degrading, and fucking creep behaviour. The first wife vs second wife comparisons may seem inevitable, both in your mind and that of your spouse and if there are children from your spouses first marriage in the picture, these comparisons can augment manifold. That tends to bring with it even more debt and insecurities. Always seek refuge, forgiveness, and mercy from Allah and follow the right path of virtue in our lives. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality. he explained everything to me after confronting him, i understood him but was hurt because i was not prepared for it and did not expect anything like that. fiscal difficulties. Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. We can contact each other So that I can support you. Dont let your second-wife syndrome overwhelm everything else. https://www.mckinleyirvin.com/family-law-blog/2012/october/32-shocking-divorce-statistics/, https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-rules-successful-second-marriage/, Living with a Spouse Who Has Aspergers Syndrome: the Cloud of Secrecy. Allaah has enjoined certain things on a man who wants to marry more than one wife, which he must fulfil before he marries a second wife. Run .these are my words.run away as fast as U can.he is a liar,a cheat and doesn't deserve U.im in a polygamous marriage,I knew my hubby was married since day one,so it ain't fair on U or her.gd luck. Alhamdullilah that i found this site. Don't break a devoted, loving woman's heart. Try to tphave a talk to him about sexual expectations and also times that are able to allow you some rest. I wasnt exactly young and nave but I really wasnt prepared for the judgment and constant, curious questions that came our way.. Unfortunately, were human and insecurity is bound to creep in at some point. composed of two imperfect people. Not necessarily easy decisions but ones that would give you a good reward in the afterlife. Husband take wife 2 after 3 month of marriage, I am living the life of a prisoner with my husband, I wish to leave my cheating husband and take the children with me, My brother-in-law masturbates because his wife is too tired for sex, Forced to marry my first cousin, but I loved another man, http://corpus.quran.com/translation.jsp?chapter=3&verse=92. He's a coward and he's a bum that's only using you for his own benefit. Related Reading: How To Work On Your Relationship With The Stepchildren: Experts View. Who says you have to marry everybody you are charitable to??? While there are some benefits of being a second wife (hopefully your spouse got most of his hijinks out of his system by now! You find yourself constantly comparing yourself with his ex-wife. Resultantly, the divorce rate is much higher in a second marriage. Thats life. He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. There was a time in the past where women would share their husband to help out another woman for the sake of Allah but now people like the romantic movies they see and aren't as concerned about the afterlife. It is strange to see people proclaiming adherence to religion and justice but when faced with a personal challenge like this they suddenly claim "multiple marriage was all meant for the Prophet's companions" and that "We can not live the religion the way they did so we should not try at all to emulate their example" . Hence, before you embark on your marital journey, you must understand the second marriage problems and how to handle them. "it is evident from a study of the Holy Quran that a special situation of a post-war period is being discussed. By sharing she is giving out of what she loves and this isn't normal to her. Its not over til the Trumpet is Blown Sin and Repentance in Islam, The Sin of Fornication and Adultery Part 1, The Sin of Adultery and Fornication Part 2, The Sin of Adultery and Fornication Part 3. You dont want to succumb to second-wife depression owing to the pressures, insecurities, and unpleasantness in your marital life on account of your spouses past. I don't hate people who practice polygamy. Please rethink your decision about marrying him my sister. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. Injustice will pave the way for injustice in society. Try to fix it. 4. My boyfriend lies, wants a threesome, and a second wife! Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids. You know what you are willing to do, and not willing to do. We might not be mother-daughter BFFs but we have a healthy respect and affection for each other, Myra adds. But polygamy is NOT required. What did he explain to you in this conversation ? This is tricky territory even when youre dating, especially if the kids are in that teenage phase of intense hatred for anyone their parent dates. She can't eat, she can't sleep. Some women prefer to live in stable married relationships as co-wives refusing to be girlfriends to men who have many sexual partners or to be mistresses of unfaithful married men. Everything was the same. She could also have a good rapport with the in-laws, and could still be seeing them. It annoyed her excessively that the financial planning didnt seem to include her or her comfort. He adds: "I love my first wife a lot, but I could not help but feel that nothing in my life had changed since I got married to my first wife. No matter how calm or put together the other wife may seem, know that she too is adjusting to a situation which is not common, and for which there are . Our reader Chloe shares her story of marrying a divorced man all the way from New Orleans. When Marcus and Chantal got married, it was the second marriage for both of them. Accept that this relationship will have a few quirks, it will make it easier to accept being a second wife. The insecurities from being the second wife are real. One of the advantages of being a second wife is that you bring a fresh perspective to this baggage, and you become a partner who stands by their side as they work through it. Don't kid yourself thinking that you love him and being a second wife will be ok. As much as we try to focus on the good parts, there would some disadvantages of being the wife of a man tired of two marriages: Along with the ever-present comparisons of first wife vs second wife, there is also the question of the second wife and family issues, the second wife and property rights, and so on. Also watch: A guide for second wives to create a happy blended family. disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy 3. if he didnt respect how you would feel and tell you this is what he wantedthen why should you marry him?>. Relationships remain one of my favorite storytelling spaces and every story I've helped tell over the years has been a little bit about connections. Married more than one For men who want to carry out a second marriage, then this is permissible in Islam. I love my husband dearly, yet I WANT him to have another wife, insha Allah. This is a sign of their lack of reason and religious commitment. Some people just aren't cut out for it and that's okay. The second wife always feels the second stage or feels like she is not getting attention and her kids as the first one. It took many years of work on both our parts. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. It simply is not right that anyone should ask her to live that way forever. What are the advantages of being a 'second' wife in Islam . The wives regularly go shopping together with all his. If he wasn't honest with you to begin with, then what makes you think that he will be honest with you at all? My second wife has three children from her previous marriage, which was invalid because her ex-husband was a Christian convert who along the way abondoned the religion (actually, he did not become Muslim by heart at all, and my second wife knew that). 1, you nor go fit sleep well for nite. This will spread adultery and illicit relations in society. These same feelings can undoubtedly be felt by the second husband, too, since it is . Linda P (124) 09/12/2022 at 8:41 pm. Through marriage, the couple can feel a sense of contentment and get Allahs mercy in regard. Therefore, the second wife will never feel the place like the first woman. My problem is i have failed to accept the fact that am going to be asecond wife, i love him so very much and we are planning to start up a family together, How can i learn to live with it because am not backing out? Or did he have haraam intentions? 2) Dealing justly with the wives: This will be in. Divorce and remarriage are hardly unheard of but because they shatter the myth of that one perfect marriage and one soulmate, there is still a certain amount of stigma attached. And don't be so quick to nag him about the things he doesn't do right. Kranti Sihotra Momin, an experienced CBT practitioner with a Masters degree in psychology and a specialization in clinical psychology, tells us some hard truths about being a second wife and what you should be prepared for. We would not want anyone to do us like this, so why would a second wife allow such a thing to happen to another muslimah. If you feel that as a second wife, your husband is not spending time with you, talk it out with your spouse instead of sulking or throwing hissy fits every time he talks to his first wife or has to pick up the kids. It's the second time in my life that the word second wife was mentioned to me. All of that financial mess can translate into a financially difficult second marriage. One way or another, the invisible presence of the first wife only augments the pain of being a second wife. His first wife might not know a thing about you, too. Theres no one way to do this since every marriage is unique. youre over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. At this point, the man has destroyed his relationship with . Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. She has done Masters's (MS.c Psychology) and
Second marriages are like the mature version of you getting married again. You cannot hurt somebody for selfish reasons, and call it "good". He told to his wife, that she is the mother of his son, the official, his meat and blood. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. I ain't suspecting, however, I strongly suggest that you investigate a bit more about this man. Although Islam has various reasons to emphasize getting married to three or four women at one time. Allah will grant you someone honest and better than him inshallah, First off, you arent married yet..so you dont HAVE to accept his proposal..you are in NO WAY OBLIGATEDif you KNOW you arent going to be happy in this sort of arrangement dont do it..and also..if a man cannot be honest in his intentions then..i would question marrying him in the first place.being in this sort of marriage is a choice..it isnt an obligation and ALLAHswt doesnt demand you do it. 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